Feb 25, 2011

The Biggest Loser: Otaku Edition


Editor's note: This article was co-written by Nathan Evers and Rezz.

Here at Awesome-Robo we've remained relatively neutral in all levels of nerdom and geekery, even for fans of the otaku culture. However, I have stumbled upon something so truly awful it must be shared: America's Greatest Otaku. With something as unbearably awkward as this I'd normally recommend to give it a watch, but that would be similar to handing you a bag of dog shit and telling you to take a bite and then another, and then another for the next 40 minutes.

Fortunately, I've taken it upon myself to watch this filth so you don't have to. Hit the jump to begin the first entry of many more comprehensive recaps to come!

America’s Greatest Otaku is an 8-episode long TOKYOPOP sizzle reel of double chins, awkward mumblings and glorification of that wacky otaku subculture. The show in my mind is alternatively called The Biggest Loser: Otaku Edition, where instead of losing weight, the contestants progressively shed their dignities by the pound. However, I shouldn’t bereave these people’s right to enjoy their own universe of weirdness too much, for I am morbidly fascinated by these bizarre subcultures (see: Darkon). After all, we all have our stereotypes and presumptions as to how these subcultures operate that may not may or may not be true. Unfortunately, what Stu Levy wishes to make clear -- otaku culture spreading across America -- actually comes as much to his chagrin.

The Premise: Stu Levy, old man and all around creepy fellow, puts together a team of roughly-legal otaku apprentices to tour the country in search of the proverbial “Greatest Otaku in America,” a title of course arbitrarily bestowed by the show’s producers. The winner of this coveted title will be sacrificially offered flown to Japan.

I should be too old for this shit.
Stu is the figurative Nick Fury to the Otaku 6’s Avengers. He has searched far and wide to pry these basement-dwelling, pop-culture savants from their maternal hidey-holes and threw them on a tour bus together. Aside from years of sex-stained carpeting, accumulating cocaine and heroin residue and wafting memories of failure and has-beenism, their collections of voluptuous anime toys and stacks of dubious manga are by far the most shameful things ever brought on board.

Worse than drugs.
Stu graciously covers what the term “otaku” means for us tragically uninformed:
otaku ● (oh-tok-oo), n.  1. a hardcore fan.  2.  a geek on
steroids.  3.  so anti-social that they never leave their
home.
A certainly tongue-in-cheek, if not slightly idealized, definition of otaku, Stu. Unfortunately what’s blissfully left unstated is that everywhere but Japan is self-identifying as an otaku seen as a badge of honor. Japan absolutely reviles otaku culture, treating them as degenerate, obsessive creepazoids. Or at the very least, its connotations in Japan are the equivalent of kidnapping little girls and shanking them to death with your Buster sword (if you know what I mean). Stu instead wants you meet the passionate (read: obsessive), active otaku who represent the “anime, manga, game and J-pop lifestyle.” A troubling prospect when the entire premise of these J-centric cultures is hilariously misunderstood. Regardless, it’s “nothing to be ashamed of,” as Stu reassuringly states (again incorrectly), and that as an otaku you should “stand proud” (again, wrong). If only these single-minded, Japanophiles could remove their nihon-colored glasses and sift through the haze of smoke they’ve blown up their Japanese God-Lord’s asses, they can instead attempt to contextualize their hyperactive passions. Or maybe Stu’s ultimate goal is to simply reclaim “otaku” in a social context, the real-life parallel to starting an online petition.

The Journey: Stu, realizing a 20-city trek across America’s heartland alone will be a very tissue-heavy and forlorn adventure, decides it necessary to recruit six apprentices to join his dweeb-hunting quest. Working from a pool of hundreds of interchangeable otakunauts, Stu’s affirmative action side takes over and we get a mixed bag of culturally diverse victims participants:
  • The sultry Chinese girl. (Eeeeeeeeeeeeee!)
  • The nerdy white guy. (Seattle represent!)
  • Sarah Palin's niece.
  • An exceptionally attractive Indian girl. (Who I'm convinced has no business being anywhere near these people.)
  • The token black guy.
  • The probably-Korean-totally-not-Chinese dude with glasses.
To his credit, Stu did manage to pick the most non-repulsive-looking selection of the lot; a feat no doubt is ultimately self-serving. As any learned professional in the entertainment industry will tell you, “internship in L.A.” is code for “becoming a blowjob dispenser.”  

Wave goodbye to dignity!
The next time we see our beloved host, he appears to have undergone some kind of change. I’ll let his hair do the talking:


That’s right, in what must be some sort of otaku counterpart to going Super Saiyan, Stu’s hair reaches over 9000 levels of douchey. He begins to introduce the Otaku 6 to a recurring element of the show: over the next six weeks, sensei Levy is going to teach the six traits that define being an otaku. As the 6 shake their heads in bewilderment at what those traits might be, I immediately jump to these:
  • Blowjobs
  • Money
  • Submissiveness
  • Desperation
  • Low Self-Esteem
  • Taste for the Kitsch
Most of these traits also happen to overlap with prostitution. This is coincidental at best.

Our plucky gang’s first stop is the Los Angeles Anime Expo where we meet many lovely cosplaying otakus, like this fine fellow:

Misty got hairy.

Let’s move on.

The first potential “Greatest Otaku in America” is Ryan Tumaliuan, who wears his ironically hip, rip-off Shepard Fairey T-shirt with pride. He tells us about how he started out collecting comic books. From there it was a logical next step to waste hundreds of thousands of dollars on anime toys -- yay consumerism!

I'm so fucking hard right now.
We tour his dungeon that is filled to the brim with plastic and vinyl figures (most which, unsurprisingly, are sculptures of girls of questionable age), and it’s immediately apparent that this guy is rich out of his fucking mind. Nearly every surface and inch of wall in his teenybopper trophy room is covered in some kind of merchandise. I suppose if you’re part of the Bratz Doll empire like he is, adding to this collection is just something to pass the time with.

Next up is the dullest maid cafe on the planet, in which our heroes drink different assortments of trendy teas. As it turns out, a Japanese man was once photographed sipping a cup of tea, and as the otaku way goes, so too must the he partake in this holistic ritual.

With the interview wearing on, I begin to daydream about what future episodes may hold. I daydream about our contestants competing in various trials to prove their otaku worth, or whatever. Perhaps they can be suited up in protective gear and professional ass-kickers will beat the otaku out of them. Or a Fear Factor approach where they are forced to read classic literature and watch good movies (like Con Air). Maybe a group of otakus will be put before that rude Mexican biker gang from Veronica Mars, forced to explain their favorite anime for 20 minutes. If they break down, cry, or stop for any reason, they will be executed. Violently. The final, culminating challenge is a confrontation with their families in which our finalists come out that they identify themselves as otaku.

And then Christine Choi and her painfully pink hair snap me out of my dreamy state. Christine Choi has a talent for costume design; she wears a hand-crafted and painstakingly recreated getup based off of Simca from the anime Air Gear. It’s just too bad her talent for replication is squandered on creating something that looks just as hilariously ridiculous in real life as it does in the source material. Stu turns into, for a brief moment, a creepy Tim Gunn, who fawns over her superfluous buckles and Tokyo sex-kitten chique while ogling her breasts.

Yeah, even from here your costume still looks stupid.
We’re back to the L.A. Anime Expo where the greasy Stu Levy gets his mac on with up-and-coming J-Pop sensation, Erina Mano. The luxury of being a cute Asian girl with proper dental genes is that if you can convince someone to record an album for you, chances are you’ll have a lucrative music career in America. Our nation’s otaku spank tank will be more than happy to support you until the next interchangeable J-pop sensation comes around. And God forbid said J-pop sensation gets their song on an anime -- J-pop’s version of auto-tune.

The end of the first week is nearly here, and Team Otaku arrives at Hotel Tomo, a decked out Best Western in Japantown, San Francisco. They proceed to fuck around in the differently-themed rooms, watching anime (what else?) and playing Guitar Hero horribly.

What's wrong with this picture?
Once Stu gets his fill of tomfoolery, it’s back to business as he interviews our next candidate, Gina Gallego, who owns a staggering amount of anime and manga. According to Gina, her exorbitant amount of anime and manga swag is certainly not an addiction, but a lifestyle choice. It’s kind of like how Charlie Sheen isn’t addicted to cocaine and prostitutes: it’s just something he spends a metric fuckton of money and psychological trauma on.

“What’s the most [money] you’ve ever spent on one item?” Stu asks. Gina tells him that the dolls sitting on the table before them are likely contenders. “These little dolls here that I love?” Stu yearns. He grabs the dolls, each worth $700 and $1000 a piece, and saddles them over his knees as if they were little girls. In the middle of conversation, without hesitation, he asks:

Do your cuffs come with the jumpsuit?
It seems that so far the only candidates that we’ve seen are the generic, otaku stereotypes that we’ve all come to know and loathe. There are the cosplayers who indulge in the ridiculous, and the collectors who spend extraordinary amounts of money to keep their appetites satiated. It’s all par for the course crazy. Where’s the excessively over-the-top and unrestrained otaku? Where’s the emotionally dependent otaku who is irrationally and passionately tied to this subculture? I either want to see spectacle or authenticity, and neither appears to be the case with these boring contestants. So far it’s all muddled in consumerist frenzy, and superficiality.

Someone has to get us out of this slump. Elizabeth Schweizer, take us home, girl!

Ta-da!
What a surprise -- another fucking cosplayer.

Editor's Note: America's Greatest Otaku episode 2 recap can be read here.

113 comments:

  1. Awesome write up...It drove me fucking insane to hear them pronounce everything so overly japanese.

    OH-TAAAAAAK-EWWWWWW.

    Stu levy is a creepy bastard

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  2. The reactions for the 'randomly selected team' were so hilariously fake...This is just another awful, awful reality tv show.

    D: I need to be drunk to fully appreciate this awkward carnival.

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  3. The problem i'm seeing with this show is that almost all of their "Otaku" are asian people. People who are allowed to like this asian shit because they are asian. Where's all the real american weeaboos? The fat ugly white guys in their mom's basements?

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  4. Nice! I didn't actually read your entire article, I only read the part about me and I just wanted to save everyone time from reading your dumbassiness that is what you call this article and inform everyone that you're probably just on your period or something. LOL but, the J-List shirt that I'm wearing was just something I decided to wear that day. Coming directly from Anime-Expo, about an hour to my apartment, I wanted to wear something comfortable rather than wear my cosplay that I was wearing at the con. If you actually went through my closet, you'll notice that I have a ton of other different clothes as well, name brand shit that you probably use your life savings to pay for. I also loved how you forgot to mention that I'm an actual industry person rather than a fake like you who probably just uses this blog site to get a free pass into a con cos you're too cheap/broke to pay for one yourself. This reply will be copied and posted on my deviantart page just in case you delete it.

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  5. LOL that's funny! I don't shop at K-Mart, I don't think there's even one near me, but you can buy some of the toys I've designed there. And, if you actually knew me, then you'd know that I didn't want the trip to Japan... I wanted that "America's Greatest Otaku" title. If you did your research, like what real journalists do, you'd know that the previous year, I took the "Most Otaku Room" title from TokyoPOP. I think a lot of whiney bitches with start up blog sites like this one who always try to get attention for something they don't even deserve is pathetic, and I'm here to crush you guys. As I told Stu, "I think a lot of you are trolls who don't leave their mom's basements and just make this crap to get attention because you can't do so in person. You guys are emo crybabys mad at the world because you were too stoned and had zero motivation to actually go after your dreams. Instead, now you come up with a new way to rip on people who actually worked hard for what they enjoy and aren't afraid to share with the world their interests." You, are stuck in the 90's era of grunge, mad at the world and hates success. Congratulations! You've managed to keep a fad going for so long that it benefits, as well as fits, most of your readers. But I guess that's what it is, right? Negativity sells, right? Awesome. I can understand that. Consider this as a way to help you sell a few more ads on your site for your dumb followers. Wait, isn't that against "grunge rules"? Yeah. If you'd like me to talk more to you, which would probably help you sell more ads, keep going. I'll be glad to put you in your place.
    And for the record... I have no clue what "Big Dogs" is.
    And another "for the record" the hipster fad is dead. The design layout of your site kinda blows.

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  6. Ryan, it's always to my displeasure when somebody in my articles feels they are being misrepresented. We will be attending the San Diego Comic Con this July, and we would love to interview you and set the record straight about your wardrobe. Please contact either Rezz or I to work out the details. Thank you for letting us know of your concerns, and thanks for reading!

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  7. I'll be there with my crew, if you're not scared, that is... We'll meet at one of the pubs. Good luck to you guys.

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  8. you sure did type a lot of words about how not mad you are mr. number one otaku (you seem mad)

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  9. I love how Nathan nicely said he'd like to interview you and your response was to try and seem like a though guy with a "crew."

    Thanks for all your comments that do nothing but show that you really are a fat nerdy loser with too many plastic boobs in your room.

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  10. "I'll be there with my crew, if you're not scared, that is" - Toughest Motherfucker in America

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  11. Actually, Ryan #2, Nathan deleted one of his other comments so I had to fire back. The reason why I said "I'd be there with my crew", is, well, they're always with me. They're not as nice as me and telling me that "We will be attending the San Diego Comic Con this July, and we would love to interview you and set the record straight about your wardrobe. Please contact either Rezz or I to work out the details." sounds more of like they're trying to lure me out to either jump me or, I dunno, try to make fun of me. I'm sorry, but I'm not one of those fat nerd kids you guys can pick on. I'm one of those guys who'll pound your face in for talking trash about me. Yes, I do own a shit ton of plastic boobed figures, so what? What about it? Are you gonna try to come up with some cut on me with that? Did you actually watch the video? Did you understand what I said? Do you know what I do, who I am and all that shit? No? Then STFU. Go back to your little coffee shop and read your dumb little poetry to all the other emo kids. No one's listening to you, and apparently, you're all listening to me, otherwise, why are you responding to this thinking I'm not gonna stand up for me and the other otaku on that show.

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  12. "Do you know what I do, who I am and all that shit?"

    If you're so important, and above these guys and this blog, why do you even bother with it? So what if these guys criticized you? If you're better than them, ignore them. Learn to take some criticism. You're being overly sensitive, and seriously digging yourself into a hole.

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  13. lol Anon, I'm just bored and at my computer. If I had stumbled upon this "article" during the week, I probably would've just ignored it. But I'm on, and I wanna start some fights.

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  14. And how did you exactly "stumble" upon this article? It's a pretty new/small blog. It's not like you just happened upon it from some well-known website. Are you really spending your time doing internet searches of yourself or the show?

    I wouldn't be surprised if you were bullied as a kid, and still can't let go of it. These guys aren't bullying you. They didn't seek you out in order to make you feel bad about yourself or the show. They wrote a critical article of the show, and you were just a small part of it. If you are going to put yourself out there like that, you have to accept that not everyone is going to like you and what you do. Like I said before, learn to take some criticism in stride.

    You think you're "standing up for yourself" but you're really just making yourself out to be a joke. Grow a pair, and move on. You don't have to justify yourself, just do your thing.

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  15. Anon #2: Busy now, so I'll make it short. Someone posted a link to it on my deviantART profile.

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  16. Ryan you just plain suck

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  17. ryan stop being angry on the internet ya fat nerd

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  18. Ryan, you are a sperglord. Why don't you got find some real pussy instead of the hard plastic kind of questionable age.

    This show sucks and so do you.

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  19. DeviantArt is for furries and weeaboos... oh

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  20. ryan, do you collect plastic figurines of underaged girls to prevent yourself from becoming a sex offender or as a hobby to pass the time between sex offenses

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  21. LOL
    Dave: Thanks, man!
    Anon #3: LOL Back at Ya, kid!
    Tiger: Sounds good!
    Todd: I know, I see you there all the time
    Anon #4: Thanks dude!

    Awesome! By the way, thanks for making my views skyrocket on my deviantART page. That's the hidden reason why I attacked this site. I could care less about all your opinions, no offense! LOL Thanks again!

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  22. If you say so, Ryan. Though I'm sure you did just the same thing for these guys. So it's a win-win.

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  23. Saying "thanks" to people calling your a pedophile isn't a normal response.

    Also way to roll with the punches there, Ryan. Yep, this was all part of your masterplan.

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  24. I want to watch this, but I'm so lol at the entire idea. Otaku is such a negative stigma, who would really want that title?

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  25. Anon # 5: lol yeah, or I was just paid to do this, right? Start some internet drama like this, get you guys all riled up so that you'd defend them and stuff, yeah.

    Tiger: Well... I mean, if I was actually a pedo, then I guess I'd actually be pretty pissed about people calling me that or whatever... but ehh, I mean, if you wanna think that, go ahead. I don't know you, nor will I ever see you in person, so, who cares?

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  26. You collect figurines of children and watch shows that sexualize children constantly.

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  27. Tiger: Hmm... so you're saying I should only watch stuff like LOST, Heroes, The Bachelor, Glee and all that other crap that's on the TV now? Hmm... I think I went through one of these arguments before with someone from the midwest who didn't understand "Jap-Anime"... yeah... Tiger, how about going more in dept about your views on anime and manga instead? I'd like to know more about your own personal view on this subject.

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  28. You didn't address what I said at all. lol

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  29. Ryan is right. You are doomed to a life of primetime entertainment once you no longer allow yourself to fantasize about children

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  30. Hey what's up ryan, you fat pedophile!

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  31. Tiger: I know lol But, I'll put it this way... right now, you sound like some of my non-anime watching friend who try to give me this argument, in which they ask me why I don't watch "normal" shows, like the ones I mentioned above. I'm just not into them. The stories aren't fun, funny or whatever. I'm into anime and manga for story and design. I do own figurines of kids, but they aren't sexualized. Plus, if you look at my favorite anime/manga, you'd notice that my top faves aren't even in that category. Are some of the characters sexualized? Yes, I guess. It's no more than, say, J. Scott Campbell's version of Caitlin Fairchild from Gen 13 or the late Michael Turner's Aspen or Witchblade, or even Michaelangelo's Statue of David. Anime/manga, cartoons/comics all have their flaws, or whatever, including the "sexualized" subjects (Have you seen the Tangled "Hidden Message?") but, in the end, these, to me, are pieces of art. Some of these titles even influence my own art. I look up to a lot of those artists, regardless of age, gender or race and see their creation.
    I dunno, does that answer your question?

    Anon #6 and 7: LOL

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  32. Ryan Tumaliuan: Official Otaku tough guy. He will beat your face in with his doughy fists.

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  33. Anon #8: LOL!!! Well... my fingers are like corndogs lol

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  34. lol, Ryan's saying there's a difference between Heroes and anime. Slap a cartoon cover on it and it would be the same.

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  35. What the fuck is this shit?

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  36. Ryan should go back to his masturbation and stop bothering the real people. He knows he is simply a pathetic plastic façade of a human, and rages against this galling knowledge with all of his hollow,flabby, pretend persona.

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  37. Ape: Oh, I see, just cos there's an ASIAN in it, right? Hahaha

    a real human: I'll think about it. But you also forgot to call me "shallow" and an "a**hole" and keep the flabby jokes coming! lol I love it!

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  38. Guys, if you knew you'd never get to touch a female your entire life, you'd collect hundreds of toy females too.

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  39. Ryan, you should buy a Something Awful account and partake in the thread about you there. It will be very entertaining, I assure you.

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  40. i have no ill will towards you, ryan, but as an asian, im not sure whether i should be more upset that you jumped directly to the race card or that you are somehow sense enough think that having an asian is the reason someone thinks a show like heroes is similar to anime

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  41. Hey Ryan I have a massive library of Anime myself, it's around 500 something DVD's and 400 something volumes of manga, but I think the dolls and love pillows are real offputting. I mean why not collect giant robots or something like that? The love pillos just emit this aura of creepiness, they're also gaudy as hell and look awful as decoations.

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  42. Most of the world is laughing at you Ryan, you creepy fucking wierdo.

    Seconding the "Join SA" line. We'd really love your input over there, it's just tenbux.

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  43. Pretty good article. As for the walls of text down below, maybe stop googling yourself so much if it gets your undies in a twist? It's just the internet.

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  44. This article is hilariously amazing. Kudos on your article, I linked to it in my blog.

    And Ryan 2million, I saw your ass on Hulu cursing everyone out and now you're cursing people out here! This isn't helping your sociopathic otaku image at all. Just sayin'.

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  45. I suppose we shouldn't make fun of the retarded. Somebody give it a lard cookie and maybe it will go away.

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  46. Anon # something :"Hey Ryan I have a massive library of Anime myself, it's around 500 something DVD's and 400 something volumes of manga, but I think the dolls and love pillows are real offputting. I mean why not collect giant robots or something like that?"

    Actually, that's the thing, most of my collection is actually giant robots and Star Wars. lol The decided to position the camera there because of the open space and it was just easier to film in that area.

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  47. So I'm just curious... When you're 40 and single, childless, and sexless, will your obsessions with anime still bring you comfort? Will your Haruhi body pillow still comfort your crippling sense of loneliness and depression? Will your Cowboy Bebop figurines converse with you over breakfast?

    Note his reply to this will probably just involve correcting my spelling of 'Haruhi' or saying his body pillow is of some other stupid fuckin' anime garbage.

    Also, lol at picking fights online and threatening violence. Classy guy, this one.

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  48. Venom: Eh, I doubt it would comfort me lol I mean, I'm usually hanging out with my friends and stuff, usually. But, I think it'll still influence a lot of my art style in some form or another... but that tends to evolve as well.

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  49. I really think that you have deep emotionally issues and, i'm glad someone took the time out of their lives to abuse you. I mean you're future is about being the biggest "nerd" on television. Not to mention all your lolipedophile figures. I just wish someone had damaged you enough so you wouldn't have made it this far.

    I guess enjoy living off of others hard work.

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  50. That should be your* future my bad. Also I would like to state that I hope in 20 years you can send those little figurines to college and have them take care of you when you get older, oh wait.

    They're just dolls and you've spent your entire life on inanimate objects.

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  51. Anon whatever # you are: "Deep emotional issues"... lol. Actually, it isn't tv, it's net tv, or whatever... Entering the contest was just something I did for fun, in the beginning, and seeing how I'd like to be called the #1 Otaku in America, I felt that I should enter. Plus, this isn't what I do for a living. I design the toys you buy your kids or maybe what your mom bought for you, depending on how old you are.
    As far as "wishing someone would abuse me more", hmm, I have a feeling you are the one with the emotional issues. Sorry to confuse a lot of you, I wasn't a spoiled kid growing up. I actually had to work hard for all of this stuff. If it's hard for you to see that, then I don't know what to tell you guys. Seeing a lot of you flame on someone else's success, interests and hobbies because you understand only what is told to you is really upsetting.

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  52. You are not making a good case for yourself Ryan. "What? Some guys on the internet are making jokes about me based on assumptions?! Well I'll show them and fire back with baseless assumptions of my own! Mom said they only made fun of me becuase they were jealous right?" Get over it no one cares that your delicate feelings were hurt.
    Also what toys have you designed? Who do you work for?

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  53. Puppy Hugs: lol yeah, I know, I know... Actually, in all honesty, my Mom isn't cool with me collecting all of this stuff. She's part of the party that asks why I don't watch LOST or Glee instead.
    I've designed a ton of stuff for a ton of different companies and most of the major ones. The only major company I haven't worked with yet is Hasbro. I'm trying to branch off into other things right now, though, because I want something that is 100% mine, if that makes any sense.

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  54. The joke's on all of you because, you see, Ryan has a gargantuan cock! And you don't! Ha! Haha!

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  55. I don't think hasbro hires pedophiles ryan so youre kinda beat there

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  56. So Ryan, are you actually a pedophile or did you just stick that Kodomo no Jikan pinup on your wall because it was anime?

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  57. Next Anon: lol They don't, that's why I can work there... my only thing is that they're on the East Coast. I kinda wanna stay West.

    Anon after that: Actually, that anime is hilarious. But, that poster frame gets switched out all the time, depending on what poster I decide to have up and yes, it was put up there because it was anime.

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  58. First of all, I love how all the Asian otaku look like Vietnamese street whores off the streets of 1960's Saigon.

    If you (GOD FORBID) go to Japan, here's some pro tips:

    1. Lose the man boobs you fat f**k. You have bigger tits than most Japanese girls!

    2.Lose the Lolicon crap. No adult woman is going to want to pull your virgin dick out of your size 40 jeans if she's surrounded by a legion of plastic underage dolls staring down at her.

    3.No adult woman is going to like a manchild who draws crappy comics. Do you think Stan Lee got to where is he today by drawing derivative crap!?

    4.A steady diet of Pizza Rolls and no sunlight is not a lifestyle man was supposed to partake in. You should start eating healthier foods and get more sunlight to lose that pizza face complexion of yours.

    5.Souls in everything? What are you, some sort of otherkin? Saying crap like that is going to scare the girlies away!

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  59. I'm pretty sure Ryan here is responsible for those Bratz toys.

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  60. Senor Science:
    1. lol Actually, I dropped a lot of weight since the filming of that video... going to the gym everyday does that. But you gotta actually use the equipment, not just stare at your future rejections, kinda like probably what you'd do, judging by the look of your face. I can lose weight, you're stuck with that ugly mug, sorry, bud
    2. lol funny, if you say so
    3. Actually here's the thing about that... I'm already in the industry... did you watch the video?
    4. I dislike Pizza Rolls, oh, and I surf, hence why I am tanned
    5. If you actually watched it, it was a reference to another anime, Genshiken, which was just supposed to be my attempt at humor. Sorry it doesn't fit your more refined humoristic taste, but I'm not as old as you (unless you're younger than me and you just look way old... which I would then reply with, you should probably lay off the crack pipe, son.)
    Thanks for the views and comments, though!

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  61. This guy has amazing emotional self defense mechanisms in place. No matter how much of a fat, acne faced, creepy, weirdo he becomes he'll always pretend like he's a totally normal and awesome dude.

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  62. his responses range from (hopefully) intentionally dense and incredibly sad. just look at his picture and imagine the dude making those statements

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  63. New Anon: Yup yup! Actually because I'm not a hipster, that's my secret.

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  64. lol ryan you're a fat pathetic piece of shit

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  65. This troll fest is entertaining! Thanks for the good show, and helping me procrastinate from my paper!

    You know who to vote for Senate, mang!

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  66. Ryan, you can do whatever you like, but once you put yourself in a public forum you shouldn't be surprised at backlash. And it's not because you're rich or successful; people don't like you because you are tasteless, pedestrian, self-involved, physically repulsive, and stupid. You are seeking validation; that's why you monitor the internet for mentions of your name, that's why you engaged a bunch of strangers on an out-of-the-way blog in a slap-fight. And then pulled a "haha this was all according my plans, you danced to my flute" in an attempt to regain face. This is not the behavior of a secure adult. It is the behavior of a vapid sycophant, and is completely inexcusable past the age of fifteen.
    What are you still doing here? You have so much money and time at your disposal, you have opportunities that most people will never have, and you're squandering it all posturing online and on tv, fondling a pillow with a little girl printed on it, and beaming with pride at your endless collection of little pieces of plastic. What a waste of potential.

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  67. It's better to be a hipster than a sad sack of virgin shit

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  68. http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3393059

    It would make my day if you came and said hi.

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  69. ryan buy a something awful forums account i know $10 is a lot of money these days but it's worth it

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  70. Another Anon: "This troll fest is entertaining! Thanks for the good show, and helping me procrastinate from my paper!"
    lol no problem! lol

    Jane: Ehh, if that's what you think. I read like the first sentence of your post, then I was IM'd, so I got distracted, then I was a little bit sleepy... ehh... didn't finish you're rambling statement, but I'll say, "Thanks for reading mine!"

    Senor Science: Great come back! LOL But I'd rather be fat and able to lose weight rather than ugly and stuck with your face when I look in the mirror. (wait, you're the sad sack of virgin shit in your comment, right?)

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  71. Wow, he just doesn't give up, does he???

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  72. Hey Ryan, do you realize that you could get arrested for physically threatening the staff of this post as you did above? You've seriously crossed some boundaries here. Is this still funny to you? Do you realize what you've done?

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  73. Anon: I didn't physically threat anyone! I mean, if you take it as physical threat, then, I dunno what to tell you guys! lol

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  74. Anon: I didn't physically threat anyone! I mean, if you take it as physical threat, then, I dunno what to tell you guys! lol Sorry if you guys saw it like that though.

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  75. I'm sure whatever company in the "industry" that Ryan works for would looove to see his childish behavior.

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  76. hi guys my name is ryan tumailuan and when someone makes a completely valid criticism of me (re: Jane) I choose to tactlessly ignore it because I am a fat sack of shit that refuses to acknowledge what a waste of life I am

    brb I haven't fucked an anime pillow in 5 minutes, I'm starting to feel how raw my dick is

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  77. You're judging my personal appearance based on a side profile of my face in a photograph. You on the other hand are disgusting from all 360 degrees.

    What's next; you're going to comment on how you're so much healthier because you don't smoke?

    When you're crying in your sleep tonight and fondling your anime body pillow I hope you realize how terribly stupid you look to normal people.

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  78. Ryan Tumaliuan Congrats on being voted America's greatest creepy fat ugly pedophile! I think you have a really good chance of winning.

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  79. Cher: lol they know I'm like this! lol it's fun!

    Anon: lol Actually... nah... I'm one of those freaks that like my collection clean and almost new... I guess that's worse?

    Senor Science: I love how out of everyone here, you seem to be the most aggressive. Gratz! But, I still think you're ugly, and I'm sure everyone else does too.

    And back to the "threatening with bodily harm" comment: Also, take in mind, this article is a form of "cyber bullying". You guys just haven't had the experience of having someone actually fight back.
    But, hey, again, thanks for all the views on my deviantART site! I love it! Just like how I love all the attention you're giving me, especially over the main author of this article! LOL

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  80. I'm just surprised that, considering his hobbies (which he should know open him to criticism), he didn't make an effort to learn some rhetoric and persuasion. Or at least learn how to be secure enough to not care. Perfect fodder for reality tv, I guess.

    The saddest part is that he apparently thinks he's doing well here. He's not even very good at this passive-aggressive stuff.

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  81. So Ryan's response to Senor Science is akin to the pot calling the kettle black.

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  82. It's not cyber bullying, you stupid clown. One would think you'd know what bullying actually entails, given your disturbing socially mal-adjusted hobby.

    And you really got to drop the "lol I'm really enjoying this thanks for the visits" thing, absolutely nobody is buying it. It's just a played-out attempt to gain the upper hand, and you're doing it wrong.

    Here's a real thing to ponder though: when you masturbate, what do you fantasize about?

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  83. I'm truly taken aback by the massive response our article has generated in the past couple days. Unfortunately I have not been able to respond because I was attending a Nirvana Remembrance conference this weekend, and whatever free time I had was tied up with planning a coffee and poetry summit later this spring.

    Ryan, I am appalled and shocked at your baseless accusations for whatever comments you seem to think I have deleted. We do not delete comments on Awesome-Robo unless they are deemed spam or inflammatory. Despite your offensive claims, we would still love to interview you for an exclusive look into the life of Ryan Tumaliuan, the esteemed owner of the TOKYOPOP's Most Otaku Room. We believe there is still more to your story, and you can use it as an outlet to clear the air about your sexuality, clothing purchasing habits, your contentious relationship with prime time televison networks, and your dieting habits that help you maintain that noteworthy otaku physique.

    You can find our contact info on our website, which you seem to be a frequent visitor of. We look forward to hearing from you soon.

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  84. Ryan, dude, just STFU, please, you're the kind of guy that makes us, figure collectors, look bad.

    I'd tell you to try to act like an adult instead of a tough internet guy, but I don't think that's even possible anymore.

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  85. Funny article, but kind of over does it on the mean-spiritedness. The fact that you know of and watched this show alone establishes that you must also be some kind of nerd/geek so I don't really understand the whole condescending attitude. The show was as bad as Stu Levy's hair was ridiculousness but it seems kind of hypocritical to bitch about all the doucheyness by being an even bigger douche. This is like some kind of hipster nerd on nerd hate crime.

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  86. Nathan Evers:
    lol the "deleted comment I was referring to was the one you yourself posted in between my first two comments. Something about "Big Dogs"... I dunno.
    But yeah, if you really want to do an interview, and will be at Comic-Con, then I'm up for it. I'll have someone contact you guys soon. It'll probably be at one of the pubs, and I'll be with a bunch of other people... we drink a lot, and, since this is an interview thing for your site, you guys will have to pick up the tab. Is that cool?

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  87. 1) As of yet, not many people have actually criticized you preferring anime. I think the consensus is that you like it too much. For example: I watch Glee. But there's a difference between me liking it (watching it, downloading a soundtrack) and me having handmade figurines of the entire cast COVERING my bedroom, body length pillows depicting female characters, and defending my "love of glee" to the point of imagining the threat of physical violence from an interview request. Your thoughts?

    2) Aside from peoples' opinions that anime is just for children, you do come off as childish in the way you defend yourself. You do a good job of ignoring blatant insults (as much as I hate the use of "lol" unironically) but you've been avoiding some valid points as well. You've very quick to defend your appearance and financial status but at the same time saying that you're not insulted (ever hear the phrase "a rich man doesn't need to tell you he's rich" ?). You end up sounding like a little kid on a playground saying that he's better than you because HIS dad has a BOAT and MONEY.

    3) Lastly, it is obvious that this is all getting to you to a degree. You ignore points you can't argue against (you never responded to OWNING anime body pillows, just their presence in the interview) while noticing subtleties in other arguments. You get worried at some comments (you saying you didn't threaten physical violence) while ignoring entire comments entirely. So you're either putting on a show of confidence and hurting inside or you are the most successful troll ever. Either way, it doesn't come off admirably for you.

    4) Were you as upset as I was that Highschool of the Dead got cancelled?

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  88. I don't think the article was critical of being a nerd/geek, but of this one particular show. Obviously the guys who run this blog have nerdy/geeky interests, as evidenced by the content of the blog. I think the article as mostly tongue-in-cheek; it is in jest. Though I suppose everyone has a different definition of where the line from joke to mean spiritedness lies.

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  89. Honestly, Ryan, the blogger is trying to do you a solid by giving you a chance to clear up whatever misconceptions made you angry in the first place. It would actually be way easier for him to just not care at all since this article has already generated a good amount of interest (all of it negative towards you). In all fairness, you should be the one "picking up up the tab" for the interview (lol) after making such an incredible fool of yourself over something so trivial.

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  90. You can say whatever you want dude, but you just implied physical violence against people asking you for an interview. You can't go back and act as if that didn't happen. You should step back and realize that by crossing these lines, you instantly lost all credibility as a rational, stable person.

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  91. Hey, Ryan, guess what? I'm an otaku too! I share hobbies similar to yours! And you know something? You make me feel ashamed of myself. Way to make the rest of us seem like pissy manchildren, it's no wonder 'otaku' on the internet have such a bad rep. You're how old? And you can't just take the criticism by shrugging it off or just laughing at it? People like you make me afraid to share my hobby both off and online.

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  92. Leave the guy alone. Haven't any of you considered that he might go out and fondle real children if he didn't have his collection of loli toys to obsess over?

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  93. Man that's a whole lot of useless crap some of those people own. I can understand appreciating the art and craft in things but then there's taking it too far.

    Also Senor Science, shut the fuck up. They may be total geeks but that's no reason for racist fucking comments like the "Vietnamese whore" one. Your comments seem to go too far like you're trying too hard.

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  94. I only have to look at this image: http://img.waffleimages.com/d249592af582ef4753a5d9bbbe440cc0f88fca23/d249592af582ef4753a5d9bbbe440cc0f88fca23.jpg

    ...and immediately feel better about myself. No Armani suit or suave collection can hide that you are beyond socially inept and not worth the time worrying about. thank you for proving it doesn't take money to be low class.

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  95. Blancmanche and Wilsonx1999:
    Hmm, I'm sorry about this, you guys. I apologize to all the other otaku here who are reading this. I do not represent you in a nice way, and I already know that. Yeah, I should have just shrugged it off, or whatever, but I thought that it was pretty irritating how these guys were bashing on people who worked hard to make that show. I'm sorry that I got angry, but hey, I guess I'm the only one who does. This will be my last post on here, so, have fun!

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  96. Pedophiles are known for their obsessive collection/catalogueing/organization of child pornography. The similarities are very eerie, especially considering the subject matter.

    At the very least, Ryan's obsessive devotion demonstrates deep-seated misogyny.

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  97. With tens of thousands of people starving and homeless in this world, how can anyone justify such an enormously selfish waste of resources?

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  98. Holy fuck, everyone on this show is a fucking douche. Especially that Ryan hambeast.

    Fucking hell. Why.

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  99. This show lacks any professionalism. Really. It just feels like a cheap effort to spread "otakuism" You don't need a show to spread Japanese pop culture. In parts of the show there was no planning(knocking on the buddhist's door without asking the office hours, puzzle pirates section(How is that anime?) or the one part at the minigolf(HOW?) I mean, there's parts in that show that have no connection to anime and more to Japan. Anyone can look it up on the internet. Anime in the US is bigger than what it was 10 years ago. I don't even get why this show even exists.

    Despite the times, being an otaku does have negatives. Here and in Japan. Unhealthy, unfit people to conventions, hikkikomoris, the fascination with everything Japan, weaboos, people that feel out of their place. There are some good people out there, but it's the negatives of this culture that brings some people's opinions of this group down. Would it cost a lot to loose weight? To make yourself healthy? To make yourself presentable to the public by acting in a polite and not an annoying way? I could go on and on. On the other side, I do know some people that are a bit of the stereotypical anime geek but they have unique personalities and they are happy with their hobbies. And well, I guess in the end people shouldn't really care too much.

    And Ryan, do you realize if any of the people you work with in the toy industry finds this, your job could be in trouble or any future job positions in the company. Sure, your hobbies get bad attention but your childish actions make you even more worse. If I was a boss of a toy company and if I saw your actions in real life, would I hire you? It would have been better to not have posted if this was going to be a back and forth insult game. One of the things about the internet is anyone can google your name and what you've done. And businesses do run checks on the internet, ethical or not. If you never posted, no one can point fingers at you for acting rude and it would be the author of this post for making assumptions. Also, Jane has some good points but you just waved off the comment -sleepy ya ya, what did you say?- like it had no meaning.

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  100. Hi!

    So I just have to say that even if your article is very harsh.. I really enjoyed reading it haha. You have a great sense of humor that comes through in your writing. :) I couldn't stop laughing at the pictures and captions below them haha

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  101. Wow I see ads everywhere for this site and assumed it was crap, but then you guys go and write an article on the terrible hulu show hosted by the guy who ran tokyopop into the ground and some butthurt comment posted on hulu led me back here.

    Keep up the good work, dude.

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  102. Unwarranted self-importance, unwarranted self-importance everywhere

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  103. Glad you enjoyed it Dom! We should have a new article up very soon.

    Also thanks Tatsujin! We appreciate it!

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  104. Why is everyone on that show such a faggot? I don't even want to call myself an 'otaku' because of faggots like these and their unwarranted self-importance. Can't they learn to be humble for once?

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  105. Elizabeth SchweizerMarch 22, 2011 at 1:33 PM

    Hey, I'm the final contestant from this episode, checking in since I just found this. Honestly, my first reaction is I am so relieved that you didn't have the time/interest to bash me like the other contestants... That would've been really embarrassing for me. Ad I'd honestly never noticed that I was the only white contestant in episode 1... Hrm...

    Basically, I just think you're being a little over-critical here. It's true that this show has its bad points -- a boring interview here, an awkward question there -- but it's really doing it's part to try and give us anime geeks a better rep. What better way to feel "normal" than to get on reality TV and sell our dignity for prizes? I just wonder if maybe your time would be better spent ripping apart "Jersey Shore" or something. We're just trying to conform here, shouldn't you support that since you seem to hate our subculture so much?

    Having met the Otaku 6 and Stu, I gotta stand up for them. They are genuinely nice, pleasant people and although I haven't met the other contestants, only having spoken to them online, I really want to help them defend themselves and their efforts here. I get that you're trying to do what better online personalities do (Yahtzee, Nostalgia Critic, etc) and make a funny review by bashing a form of media until it is no longer recognizable, but you picked an easy target and you come across as a bully. It's really hard to take you seriously when you glaze over some details (X Japan's concert?) only to make fun of others when they're not that odd or bad to begin with (Simca's design is hardly Christine's fault.) I just don't appreciate the lack of respect here, even though it's not really directed at me.

    And hey, at least it wasn't a dating show!

    -America's Greatest Pacifist Otaku, Elizabeth "EB" Schweizer

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  106. ^Elizabeth, I don't think these guys are ripping geeks, or people into anime, or whatever. If you read their other articles/posts, it's clear that everyone here is a bit of a geek. I think they're just being critical of this one particular show.

    Though I think it's a bit understandable that those who were involved with the show might a bit sensitive after reading this article (hey, I would probably be defensive as well, I think that might be natural), I think that if you're going to put yourself out there like that, don't expect everyone to like you. Also, I take issue with your suggestion that their time would be better spent ripping on something like "The Jersey Shore". Some people might think that show is more ridiculous, others might think the Otaku show is. Whatever, they're all just opinions.

    I'm not writing this to start any sort of flame war or anything. You brought up some good points, and you're entitled to your opinion. I'm just saying that these guys are as well. Also, I don't think it's really bullying to simply write an article giving an opinion (albeit a harsh one), they didn't seek any of you out to force their opinions on you. Anyone from the show who's read this article read it because they found it.

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  107. Elizabeth SchweizerMarch 23, 2011 at 3:39 AM

    I totally get that, and thanks for being so respectful :)

    I didn't expect everyone to like me, of course, but there's a difference between going "Hey, I disagree with this concept/I don't think this person was very good/etc" and another to use as many offensive and sarcastic analogies as humanly possible for the sake of a chuckle. It's something that's very common nowadays, and I am just not fond of it in general. It feels really crappy to be on the receiving end.

    Everyone is entitled to their opinion, but whether or not I respect that opinion is contingent upon how they express it.

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  108. Elizabeth, you're about a month late to the party on this one

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  109. ... Holy crap. I can't believe I just read the whole thing here. One of the few blogs or times with people having conflicting opinions in near-perfect grammar too!

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  110. aww man. I missed out on the fun in this one lol. :D But I'm putting in my two cents ANYWAYS! Dammit I stand by my decision that Simca's outfit is really adorable, it's comfy and I love wearing it! /girl :D The wig is a tangled, messy pain in the ass though... Meh, it's just a hobby. It's fun much like any other hobby. You listen to your music, I make my costumes. You collect your movies and bluray, I collect figurines and anime boxsets. Same shit really.

    To be fair I did agree with certain points of the article although I wouldn't have been as quite as blunt or harsh. The show wasn't very well planned out. It was pretty boring to watch. I was only interested in the contestant interviews, not all the shameless promotions and plugs. I TOO was expecting something more involving to determine the greatest otaku of sorts. Maybe like being able to name directors of specific anime, recognizing theme songs, seiyuu voices and those types of gameshow competitions. Something more than just interviews and online voting so I'll give you that. But I figure low budget, what can ya do?

    The most logical reason my boyfriend provided as to why most of the contestants seem to be the generic stereotypes of otakus and not FOR REALSIE ACTUAL OTAKUS who are extremely over the top, hikkikomori stays at home & does nothing but live and breathe otakudom? "PFFT. Real otakus wouldn't bother to go on that stupid show. They're too busy being an otaku. A true otaku wouldn't bother to waste their time with that kind of bullshit." When I think about though, that actually is very true.

    Try not to be TOO harsh on our geekdoms. It's really no different from cinephiles, sports junkies, video game addicts, horror fanatics and what not. And speaking as a cosplayer we're being creative and it's fun! Nothing wrong with that yo! :D

    Oh and btw. GODDAMN I was derpy in that interview. lol derp derp. :B

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